I just watched a documentary on Carol Channing... Makes me want to audition for a Broadway musical even MORE!!! Her story ministered to my soul. She showed me it's ok to be quirky... To be weird... Uniquely different. Because it is that difference that will make people remember you. It's that special difference that makes you stand out and may even get you the role! I know that I have to follow my dream! It is a MUST! I have to stop procrastinating, to stop finding excuses to not move to NYC.
I have always been a HORRIBLE speaker... Even just in general conversation. I can't look people in the eyes and talk at the same time. Because I can feel their stare and I can't think. It's like the wire that connects my brain to my mouth has been cut. I have to look away to gather my thoughts and speak my fumbled, clumsy sentences...
But As shy and awkward as I am, I feel like I come alive when I sing and when I'm acting on stage. When I'm given a character to play, and the words to say, I am no longer me. I am no longer that anxious shy person that feels the weight of the world ALL THE TIME. It can feel like I'm getting a chance to experience life through someone else's eyes... And my social phobia goes out the door. I really become that character. The emotions the character experiences, I really feel them.
I know that this type of method acting can come with it's own issues, it can be hard for the actor to disconnect from the character when they are no longer acting... It's like you are intentionally creating multiple personalities and that can't be healthy for anyone. And if it is an emotional role (like domestic violence, rape, death, etc...), and you are allowing yourself to truly experience the emotions of it on a daily basis because of having to practice... the stress that you put on your mind can be tremendous! Just as it would be stressful for someone who is really going through it, because you feel like you ARE. We actors and artist have great EMPATHY. We FEEL and we FEEL everything HARD. Well, many of us anyways. And even that alone can be extremely TIRING! So we find an outlet... Our craft... Our therapy... To release these emotions. Because it isn't healthy for anyone to bottle things up inside.
Over all, I kinda feel like maybe my mind is wired this way for THIS reason? If you know what I mean... Being an actor/artist of any kind has a package that comes along with it. Some of its contents are good and some can be troubling. I always say that being an artist is like being a superhero... With all special gifts there are blessings, responsibilities, and problems. We can't have the good without the bad. But we have to be willing to acknowledge both and work through the problems in healthy ways. It's just interesting how similar of personalities and states of minds we artists have with each other...
Sorry I know I went on a WILD tangent with this... But I guess I just needed to talk about how I was feeling... It feels good to just let it all hang out sometimes!
What do you guys think about this topic? I'd love to hear your opinions!
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